and How are you doing? Rachel is a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness. No one quite knew what to say, and not just because his follow up question was outside of the norms we were used to. How are You Really Doing? Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window), How ABC’s Thursday Night Line-up Has Made My Life Better. Do that now and be completely honest with yourself. I could really go for a massage, now that you asked. The answer you give when someone asks how you’re doing is usually an automatic, standard response. Get it daily. Plus 10 things you can do right now as part of your circle of influence to create rejuvenation, healing, and empowerment for you, others, and your community. remember where you want to be in 5 years, 10 years. Also on my walk, I stopped at Lella Alimentari for a cappuccino and frittata. This is a great alternative to “how are you?” for your friend who is so totally stressed out by this new normal. If you are not okay, it is okay to admit it, it’s just you and God. I could really go for a massage. Product Company. After sunshine, a good listen, caffeine, a good breakfast, and some hugs from Dale, I feel a lot better. Believe it or not, most people actually do want to know more about others, especially if they both work at the same company. A blog about all things wellness to help you find what works for you, brought to you by Rachel and Jor-El of Viva Wellness. Greeting our colleagues with "How are you?" Next question, please. Focus on how your loved ones are keeping busy and entertaining themselves, and let the conversation unfold from there. NOTE: the following are taken largely from Puppet's Cloud Mining 101 reddit post, which is a great supplement to this post. We need you at your best! It’s so rare to actually check in with yourself and ask what’s going on for you. Take care. Our editors independently select these products. Everybody asks “How you doing today?” And if you’ve noticed, nobody really answers. Not what you tell everyone (i.e. How Are You Really Doing. For the spring, I … Maybe this is someone wrapping up coursework for their master’s degree at home, despite having no graduation to walk in; or maybe it’s someone who can’t set WFH boundaries with themselves, let alone the kids they’re trying to homeschool. These are conversations built to encourage speakers to share what truly wants to unfold as a result of their current life experiences. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission. How do you know? The 8 Golden Rules for Having a Conversation That Reduces Stress Rather Than Stokes It, PSA: This Is the Science-Backed Way to Reduce Hair Damage If You Love Heat Styling, ‘I’m a Neurosurgeon, and This Is Your 3-Step Equation for Lasting Brain Health’. Here, it actually sounds natural to use the adverb well because it’s modifying the verb to do, not the verb to be. Before you talk about how your co-worker has an advantage over you… Before you start any of that whining and crying… Ask yourself… Are you REALLY doing your best at your job? By. Usually the answer is no, unless it’s limiting you in some way. Though almost certainly used in colloquial speech earlier, the salutation first appears in print in the 1940s and spreads in the 1970s.In the late 20th century, How you doing was popularly associated with New Yorkers of Italian descent—and pronounced more like how YOO dooin. Very often, we’re expecting a quick answer so we can move on. I love you all. Telling this person they’ve … If not, please Consider Dumping the False Teacher You Currently Sit Under and also Truly and Personally Seeking the LORD. The question—and its popular variation, “How are you doing?”—appears in emails from strangers and acquaintances and in polite face-to-face conversation. My hope is that listeners will be able to empathize with my guests in order to gain new perspectives of compassion. Trust me, you do not want to know. “How are you really doing?” made me think more about, well, how I was feeling and what I was going through, and forced me to give an honest response. You know when you’re so sick that you can’t make it out of bed, but do you ever really stop to think about what’s causing that headache that’s been popping up every afternoon for the last few days? He asked us how we were all doing, and in unison, everyone gave the standard “Good” answer. Start in the morning. The innocuous “How are you?” at the start of a conversation—which is normally understood in American culture to be a polite way of expressing concern for a person’s well-being, and to … as we abide by social-distancing guidelines, general worries about how this pandemic will affect us, The Relationship Protocol: How to Talk, Defuse, and Build Healthier Relationships. Genuinely ask yourself the question, “How are you?”. If you know that you are one-of-a-kind, you can’t really do the same old routine. There’s really only one correct answer to “How are you?” Do you know what it is? Let’s all be honest, things are not okay in this world right now. Why? How are they occupying their vortex of time? Hope this status quo persists for rest of the day. To me, growing up in the South, this is what a normal interaction looked like, but one day, I began to realize that if we really go beyond our mediocre how are yours, then we could really, truly, get to know not only strangers that we pass on the street but our closest friends as well. HOW ARE YOU DOING? How are you REALLY?”. I want to know, how are you doing, really? You … (I really want to know how you’re doing so please let me know!). Maybe you didn’t sleep well or worked outside all day. Writing Tips Grammar Trends Inspiration. When someone asks a person in poor health "how are you doing?" 6. be proud of everything you do, even if it's just showering or brushing your teeth. If she’s not running, you’ll find her planning the next time she’s going to eat, exploring all things wellness in NYC, or raising her stress level by watching her sports teams. If you're new to a company and leading a … Excited? Personality Abuse We have come to use this expression so often in all of the above situations that … Let's face facts — our mental, emotional, and physical states belong to us. Functioning basically equals good, and non-functioning is bad. Or maybe your friend decided to move back in with their parents at age 29, and you’re curious how they’re getting along with the whole damn family. We have a few ways to heal yourself from the pandemic blues. Episode 32 of The Viva Wellness Podcast is LIVE. Usually, neither person is anything but “pretty good” these days, ... You really can't ever get rid of it. They feel better after you talk, less alone, and perhaps hopeful. In response, friend A conforms with the present perfect progressive tense by saying, I’ve been doing well. But is that the standard we have to live by? ", it can also be an inquiry into the state of that person’s health, or medical recovery: "I heard you just had open-heart surgery last month—how are you doing?" Read our Privacy Policy and Terms and Conditions. and go about your day. But in light of the lack of human connection we’re experiencing as we abide by social-distancing guidelines to slow the spread of COVID-19 and general worries about how this pandemic will affect us and our loved ones, we’re doing more regular check-ins with our circles than ever. 7. remember your goals. yields standard responses: Busy, Fine, Good. Much better now that you’re here with me. 2. NOW, TELL THE TRUTH, HOW ARE YOU REALLY DOING? My hope is that listeners will be able to empathize with my guests in order to gain new perspectives of compassion. 5. I’m pretty standard right now. Do you give the impression that you really want to know how this person is? Now ask yourself – was that always true? I had a Social Psychology professor in undergrad who started a class with that simple question. Writing. The answer most people are going to give here is some version of “I’m good”. She gets most of her inspiration for the blog while on the run, and if you ever need to find her, she’s probably in Central Park. Let's try our best to truly ask/answer this question more often. What’d you say? Write smarter with our new features for professionals. We do it for others, but hardly ever for ourselves, unless something’s gone wrong. Think about the last few times someone asked “How are you?”. episodes free, on demand. These are conversations built to encourage speakers to share what truly wants to unfold as a result of their current life experiences. What’s your body feeling like? basically mean the same thing and are both commonly used. Are You Growing to Know Who Jesus Better and Who He is? Also, are YOU okay? Somewhere between doing better and best. But the other side of always giving that automatic answer of “I’m good!”? Everyone pretty much agreed that this was the first time, at least that day, that any of us were actually considering a real answer to that question. Armed and ready for anything! “It makes us hesitate to reach out, since, for the most part, we’re all dealing with the same stressors and fears. I want to know, how are you doing, really? The natural response to this question, at least in the United States, is a simple “good” or “fine” followed by a reciprocation of the same greeting. Optimistic? Todd - March 22, … I’d say I’m a ___ out of 10. When a friend asked if I was taking care of myself, I found it to be the sweetest way to check in. It’s very easy to have no idea what the real one actually is. It’s better to know that you’ve been feeling tired for the last couple of days before you’re so sleep deprived that you get sick. It's basically guesswork. Well enough to chat with you if you wish to. Maybe they have a good show recommendation, or maybe they’re enjoying a comfort binge that you can both be nostalgic about. So, if you know you need to talk or vent, say that upfront.”, So to help guide your chats and allow for actually helpful catharsis for both you and your conversation partner, here are seven questions that are basically other ways to ask “how are you?”, Ask this to your single friends who are isolating in order to get a feel for how their day might look. Are You Truly Blessed? Do you actually care? at least you are doing that, and that is very important! 4. If you don’t have any energy, use this word. I’ve been thinking about you lately. Not so well; So far, so good! 1. © 2021 Well+Good LLC. This one works well if you’re checking in on someone who’s quarantining with one or multiple other people. Here are some more words you might use to describe how you’re really feeling when talking with these closer friends: Exhausted – When you’re really tired. Ultimately, the goal of identifying other ways to say how are you is to replicate the feel of hanging out in person and genuinely connecting. If any of these red flags are present, we recommend proceeding with caution. Like, when you know your friend just lost their job, or hasn’t seen a person IRL in three weeks or is simply is…existing during this dystopian nightmare, “how are you doing” falls pretty flat. With so many dusting off their home yoga mat to balance their couch time, many are finding themselves already fatigued by the same vinaya videos they’ve been watching for weeks on end now. Much better now that you are with me. Glad we agree. Like you, but better. It is only natural that you will want a quirky response other than the old and bold “I’m fine, thank you.” If you want to show off how unique and witty you are, these responses are good to go with. 10. Good. It’s better to solve problems before they’re a crisis, right? You ask. After that initial “hi,” though, there’s often an awkward lull. So, how ARE you actually doing? So, even if “how are you” feels flippant, nonspecific, and generally not helpful, you can still ask better questions that are similar in spirit if you rephrase just a little. Don’t worry, you’re not a bad person for falling under the “I don’t actually want to hear how your boss is the worst for the next five minutes” category. Listen to How Are You Doing, Really? James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. We’re all there sometimes. And if you’re fatigued with talking about COVID-19 all the time, here are few ways to positively change the conversation. I am here to have honest conversations with people around the world. How are you … It’s just a part of our social norms. (Because, no, Megan, that’s not wise to do even amid this pandemic crisis.). There are definitely times when you ask “How are you?” that you’d be genuinely annoyed if in response, the person launched into a long explanation of exactly why things were or were not so great. But, don’t let that stop you: Reach out, check in, say hi, and let the people you care about know that you’re thinking of them.”. Express how you are feeling. “How are you doing right now?” That’s the question I’ve been defaulting to on the phone, over text, and over Zoom chats during this time of ballooning, Covid-19-fueled communications. When you wake up, ask yourself “How am I?” and then really think about the answer. How you doing is a shortened form of the longer, more formal greeting how are you doing. You don’t even have to answer me. or "how are you 'Really' doing? “While it might sound unnecessary to mention, sometimes, especially these days, we have a lot on our minds, and we can tune out while waiting for our turn to talk. “What are you doing today?” Ask this to your single friends who are isolating in order … “When you’re checking in and asking the other person a question, be sure to listen to their answer,” says Roberts. This question checks in on the status of the whole household. 7. What they're actually doing is trying to be the first miner to come up with a 64-digit hexadecimal number (a "hash") that is less than or equal to the target hash. I was doing fine until you asked that. Respond by saying, “Actually, I’ve been feeling…” or “You know, I have been feeling…” If you are feeling depressed or going through a tough time, you could also mention that so that your loved ones can help you.. For example, you may respond, “Actually, I’ve been feeling a little down lately. While "pretty good," and "OK" are quick answers, experts say finding out how you're really doing will help in the long run. The server at the restaurant, the cashier at the store, your colleague you pass on your way to your desk. You know the drill, walk past someone on the street, smile and ask, "how are you?" Like a pig in a butcher shop. 6. It’s better to know that you’ve been feeling more anxious than usual before something sets you off into a full blown anxiety attack. Most people took pause because they genuinely didn’t know. I am here to have honest conversations with people around the world. Tired? CA Do Not Sell My Personal Information     Sitemap redirect. Are there other ways to say how are you, though, that are more helpful and less tone deaf? 8. “How are you” tends to fall flat these days considering, well, [gestures broadly at everything]. See how this friend is dealing, and then try and find out how you can help, even from a distance. This isn’t to say that you aren’t genuinely interested in how the person is doing. Well+Good decodes and demystifies what it means to live a well life, inside and out. If you beleive you have found a legitimate clound mining company, you can really make sure by putting it to the test. It’s like we have two modes: functioning and non-functioning. Similarly, How are you? It’s become a question that just flies out of people’s mouths when they see someone for the first time in a while. Join us as we talk mental health, running, eating, healthy living tips, finding your zen, self care, and more! “These days, conversations can feel awkward because there’s this looming backdrop of how not normal our lives are now,” says relationship therapist Debra Roberts, LCSW, author of The Relationship Protocol: How to Talk, Defuse, and Build Healthier Relationships. It starts by simply asking: “How are you really doing?” Most of the time you’ll find that someone is just happy that you cared enough to ask so they feel free to vent about their bad day — or bad month or year. Switching gears a bit, Bon Appetit videos are back. Going great. Like, let’s say your sister got trapped with her new squeeze in a one-bedroom apartment, and it’s sounding like a war-zone situation based on her text messages. Seeing how your friends are faring in this schedule-based way may just keep them from texting with their terrible ex again. Sometimes you fall in the middle, and it’s beneficial to know that. For some the fear of not being in control of our lives and future results in a build up of anger and a desperate will to regain the stability and sense of normalcy that we've lost, so we put not only ourselves in harms way but risk the lives of others as well. But instead of moving on, he said, “No. Because more often than not, we’re not really asking. 3. Well? Because really, what can you say? What do you want? Everyone paused. Happy and content, thank you. Episode 34 of the Viva Wellness Podcast is LIVE! But let’s not lie to each other. You’ll hear this ALL the time! So, you can ask this question to make that active one-on-one time to see, well, how someone is doing, authentically. Author: Rachel. 9. This episode is dedicated to anyone who struggles with mental health. Rachel is a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness. How are you doing? You can read to a friend’s child over Zoom for half hour, if it’ll help, for instance. I’m sure more often than not, you would care or want to try to help if the answer you received was some version of “the worst I’ve ever been in my life” (or you know, something a little less dramatic). Do you feel anxiety? What emotions are you experiencing? think about your dream future often, you will not only be subconsciously manifesting it, but you will feel calm, content, and happy I’m blessed and highly favored; I’m fine) but how are you really doing? Things don’t have to be good just because nothing terrible is happening. A check-in with James as we navigate through more of these traumatic times. Spoiler, the answer is no. These are conversations built to encourage speakers to share what truly wants to unfold as a result of their current life experiences. Okay – Here’s another quick, neutral answer like “fine” or … I mean a real true answer. How are you doing? I want to know, how are you doing, really? Keeping things open-ended versus just asking a yes-or-no “are you taking care of yourself” will give you more of a roadmap for how to follow-up their answer. The only things that should be black and white are zebras and cookies. All rights reserved. Psalm 142:4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. Doing is a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness Podcast is live conversations... “ I ’ m blessed and highly favored ; I ’ m fine but. Pandemic blues terrible ex again so, you can ’ t sleep well or outside! Answer you give the impression that you ’ re doing is a licensed therapist and co-founder Viva! At the restaurant, the cashier at the store, your colleague you pass on your to. Doing? the LORD really asking heal yourself from the pandemic blues zebras and cookies doing is usually automatic! Interested in how the person is doing, really loved ones are keeping and., less alone, and some hugs from Dale, I feel a lot better really asking how!, unless it ’ s another quick, neutral answer like “ fine ” or … you... About COVID-19 all the time, here are few ways to heal from. Answer you give the impression that you really doing ” tends to fall flat these days considering,,! Blessed and highly favored ; I ’ m a ___ out of 10 even from a.... This pandemic crisis. ) fine ” or … how are you doing is usually an,! Of our social norms I want to know who Jesus better and who he?! Lella Alimentari for a cappuccino and frittata, though, that ’ not... Therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness Podcast is live the other side of always giving that answer! How this friend is dealing, and it ’ s limiting you in some way moving on, said... And less tone deaf someone asked “ how you ’ re here me! That active one-on-one time to see, well, [ gestures broadly at everything.. Expecting a quick answer so we can move on last few times someone “... The Viva Wellness you Growing to know how you ’ ve noticed, nobody really answers wake,. Your teeth what do we really know about this ubiquitous phrase not want know. He said, “ no perspectives of compassion fall flat these days,... you really want to know you. On how your friends are faring in this schedule-based way may just keep them from texting with their ex! Focus on how your friends are faring in this world right now,! Solve problems before they ’ re a crisis, right a workout together the server at the store, colleague... Know that you really doing? a purchase through our links may earn a. Ask yourself the question, “ how are you, though, that ’ s on. Yourself and ask what ’ s how are you actually doing to solve problems before they ’ re a crisis, right today! The pandemic blues feel better after you talk, less alone, and it ll! What it is okay to admit it, it ’ s so rare actually... To give here is some version of “ I ’ m good! ” in..., and perhaps hopeful this status quo persists for rest of the longer, formal... Usually the answer really answers let ’ s beneficial to know who Jesus better and who he is tense saying! The present perfect progressive tense by saying, I stopped at Lella Alimentari for a cappuccino frittata! The server at the restaurant, the cashier at the restaurant, the cashier at store! Covid-19 all the time, here are few ways to how are you actually doing that you are not okay, ’! Inside and out conversation unfold from there time to see, well, how you...